Where there is smoke, there is fire

This heat wave has been causing some problems! It has been so hot that the apartment has overheated. Yesterday Bald One decided to open the door to the balcony to let in some air. All kinds of bugs found their way in. Bald One was at the computer ignoring me (he said he had an important paper to write, I think he was up to something else) when a gigantic bug flew in- you could hear it! And it flew right into the halogen lamp and there was a loud zap- score one for us!

A little later I smelled something funny and then saw smoke coming out of the lamp. That dead bug had caught fire! The lamp went out and the apartment filled with smoke. Meanwhile, Bald One was ignoring the problem so I had to bark to get his attention. He panicked, screamed, and ran out of the apartment so I was forced to take action. First, I went into the hallway to pull the fire alarm. Unfortunately, the alarm was set about three feet off the ground. I jumped and jumped and could not reach it. So I came back inside to get the fire extinguisher. It was heavy but I managed to aim it at the lamp and put out the blaze, just before the sprinklers went off. Bald One eventually came back when things were safe was very thankful I rescued the apartment. What a wimp.

Maybe a little bit of that story was just a little bit inaccurate. But it's the way I choose history to remember me.

Murder most foul!

Something bad has happened to Beanie Bear! Unfortunately he has met an untimely demise. It seems that someone has cut his throat? Bald One blamed me but I had nothing to do with it. I suspect the mafia, or maybe that big grey dog on TV- you know, Wilfred, he is a major trouble maker. Check out the crime scene photos taken by CSI:

Notice the white beans all over the carpet. My analysis is that that is why they call them beanie babies. They are actually plastic beads. And someone pulled some of his internal organs out.


Who would do such a terrible thing to Beanie Bear? Could it be terrorists?  Mad Dog Gadafi in retribution for losing his dictatorship (he did threaten my toys)? The neighborhood maintenance crew? Or Bald One himself? He is unreliable and unsteady. Could explain why he disposed of the body without an autopsy.


Goodbye, Beanie Bear- you were a good toy.

Rough week

The last week was a tough one. Bald One ambushed me twice. I thought we were going for a ride to see friends or family but no-oh! The first trip ended at the Vet! I hate the vet- she is so mean. And they were poking me in the butt. What sadistic person would choose to do that? The second trip ended up at the groomer- what am I, royalty? Oh yeah, I am the queen! So now I am almost bald. Like Bald One, only much better looking!

Then the rat bastard left me in the cage all weekend while he went to work. Or so he claimed- I could smell the booze on him. He may be a jerk, but he always bring home the ice cream. This one is the best from Publix- try it and you won't be disappointed! They should pay me for the advertising.