Threat to National Security

So I was watching CNN with the Help (Short Hair and Bald One- I hate him), and we saw a segment about generals saying that school lunches are a threat to national security... making teenagers too fat for military service. What these kids need is me! I will whip them into shape! I will yell at them "bark, bark!" oops,I mean, "Run, fat boy, run!" And if they aren't fast enough I will bite their ankles. Long Hair knows what I'm talking about.

Nasty A$$ Cat

So a cat decided to move in by the tennis courts. I hate cats! That's one place where Short Hair and I agree. Speaking of Short Hair, did I ever tell you that she is afraid of cats? Yesiree, Bob! I once saw her come shrieking into the house because she was outside and the neighbor's cat "looked at me!" What a whus. Me, I prefer to yell in my very shrill voice from the safety of the house. If the intruder cat gets too close I will quickly run upstairs and yell at it from there. I like the acoustics. Of course, that's when Bald One starts yelling at me! How dare he?! I hate him. He thinks watching the History Channel will make him get smarter. I didn't see much of Long Hair today. I forced her to go out and get a job. That way she can earn money to pay for new clothes for me to chew upon. Hey, is that a cat?!

I am the Alpha!

Spent the night in jail. I hate the Bald One. He is always on my case: “Poop outside, not in the house!” Who does he think he is, Alpha? I always get my revenge. Short Hair always blames him when I fart. Man, does she yell at him. I always get the last laugh. He does give good rubdowns. Maybe I am the Alpha.
I blocked Stick-in-the-Butt from getting onto the resting area today. She thought she could get past my defensive moves. I juked left- she fell for it and went to my right- I blocked and she wiped out. Short hair yelled at me. Who does she think she is, Alpha?
Lazy Old Fart spent the day outside. He spends most of his time laying around. I think I saw him once. He was walking around drooling; maybe he should be sent to a farm.
Long Hair saw me for a little bit today. I bit her. She thinks she’s Alpha; what does she know?
I hope the short hair doesn’t figure out that I crapped in her shoe. The grey one by the door. Sometimes you just have to go.
I am the Alpha!

Ice Cream!

Tonight the Bald One had ice cream. I demanded my cut and he provided... sucker! Little do the people know that I am lactose intolerant. Tonight I will break wind and Short Hair will yell at Bald One and smack him. Yep! Life is good.

I am Alpha!

These stupid people keep telling me to stop talking. They spend the whole day yaking away and then they get on my case when I say hello to the neighbors. Especially the Bald One, I really hate him.