Pink Ribbon

Another ambush from Bald One.  I hate him!

Yesterday Stick in the Butt and I went for our morning walk, dragging Bald One along with us.  He is really a grouch on these walks.  First, we have to drag him out of bed.  It requires a lot of whining by Stick in the Butt and scratching from me (I have mastered the art of scratching my face at a very loud volume).  Once we get him up we have to get coffee into him. Then after a visit to the bathroom he is ready to go. Rarely does he brush his teeth- disgusting!  On the walk, we go ahead on point, dragging Bald One.  Humans really should use all four limbs when walking.  We head down Menlo Drive and up to the top of the hill.  Bald One can barely make it. Then we roll him back down and hike to the pool.  We stop for a drink at the fountain- we make Bald One carry a portable bowl- and then it is back home.

I should've known something was up.  As hard as we tried, we could not get Bald One up the hill.  Skipping that part of the walk shortened our walk by five minutes- that's 35 minutes in dog-time!  And when we got home- the leashes did not come off.  He hustled us into his car for a ride.  At first I was excited- vacation time!  But wait, there was no luggage!  Stick in the Butt panicked- we were going to the vet!  We tried to escape, but Bald One locked all the doors.  We cried and we fought him, all in vain.  However, when the car stopped, we were not at the vet.  Bald One took us inside a building- there were no people but lots of dog paraphernelia all around.  It was eerie.  Then in came THE MEAN LADY- I fought her tooth and nail to no avail- she drug me into the back room.  There I was forced to fight for my life against a mob of humans but in the end I was humiliated.  Look what they did to me!

Classy girl looking for a man with a stable job.

I am Stick in the Butt but you can call me Rosie.  My hobbies include barking at the neighbors, hiding under beds, and romantic comedies starring Jackie Chan.  I mean the world to you.  You shower me with gifts. You provide me with lots of bling.  You are a handsome man and compliment me often. You have the power to make the thunder go away- that is not negotiable.

If you have the goods to take care of me, leave a comment and post a picture of your bling.

Looking for my soulmate.

I am Lazy Old Fart but you can call me Luke.  My number one goal is to please you.  My hobbies include playing fetch, howling up the neighborhood, and sunset walks on the beach.  You are a gentle lady and don't want kids- I've been snipped anyway.  You are looking for the man who will treat you the way you've always deserved.  I will roll the last meatball to you, just like the Tramp.  You don't mind a guy who eats poop; that is not negotiable. 

If interested, leave a note in the comments section... romance is just around the corner.

Aspen and Family

Take the Brain Quiz... you know you want to!

So nobody wants to take the brain quiz... come on. Succumb to the peer pressure that is me and do it. All the cool kids are. Bill Gates has promised to donate $10 for everyone who takes the brain quiz and posts the results. See my previous blog for the quiz. All proceeds go to "The Human Fund." This is legit.


Here are some more interesting workout people Bald One was talking about from the gym:

5) the hider. This guy is hiding from his wife in the gym. He spends hours there every day. Actual phone conversation: "Honey, I need you to head home and pick up some tampons on the way." "I can't dear; I have 17 more sets to pump up my flactoid. See you next week!" Coward.

6) the delusional. This person thinks he is working out hard but is lifting only ten pounds! "I did 2 sets of 10 reps on the chest press today! Feel my muscles?" 200 whole pounds...you didn't exert yourself- no pain, no gain! Wimp.

7) the FONG... or Fat Old Naked Guy. He hangs out in the bathroom a lot. He is old, he is fat, and he is naked! His junk is exposed as he shaves wearing only flip flops. Does this man have a home? The horror... the horror.

Did I miss anyone? Have you observed any interesting people at the gym?

Left Brain? Right Brain! Are you using either side?

Bald One and I took this brain quiz. We are left brain dominant (score of 11) and right brain reclusive (score of 7). So much for left handers being in their right mind. Take this simple quiz and post your results! We'll see who uses their brain...

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (11) Right Brain Dominance: (7) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

Believe me now or believe me later, I will pump you up!

Today was "take your daughter to workout day" so Bald One took me to the gym. It made for an exciting afternoon. Bald One started with a run on the tread mill. I decided to run on the one next to him. He huffed and puffed but could only clear half a mile in 30 minutes. In the same time I trotted over 4 miles. That guy is slow! Then we went into the weight machine area. Bald One spent most of his time staring glassy eyed out the window. Occasionally he scratched his butt and once he picked his nose. Then he would move to another machine. Me, I lifted over 500,000 pounds! As I cruised around the gym, hordes of kids followed me around, similar to a Rocky movie. Someone was singing a song- "Getting stronger...."

While at the gym I made some observations about people. I will of course share a few:
1) the talker. This person sits on the machine. Maybe he is finished, maybe he hasn't even started yet. He gets involved in a conversation and stops the workout. Meanwhile, I am waiting for the machine. Jerk.

2) the camper. This guy occupies one machine for a long period of time, doing multiple sets. Meanwhile, I am waiting for the machine. Just when I think you are done, another set! Bastard.
(Although I would never call you this to your face- you are usually built like Buff Bagwell. Anybody remember him?)

3) the phonester. This hipster needs to talk during his workout. While peddling the exercise bike, walking laps, or trying to lift weights. That last one is amusing to watch- one hand holding the phone to the ear, talking louding, trying to bench press at the same time. Goofball.

4) the looker. This one isn't really serious about the workout. He usually wears a muscle shirt and walks around, looking at the equipment. When he sees a vulnerable looking woman he'll move in for a conversation. He moves around a lot, looking busy, but not there to break a sweat. You think you're cool, but I'm onto you. Doofus.

Olfactory Senses

I was touring the backyard when I heard some rustling in the brush. I turned around and motioned Bald One to be silent. His big butt can be quite noisy sometimes- ha ha! I crept up to the edge of the brush to check it out. My olfactory senses detected prey! Did you know that dogs are superior to humans in that we can smell a thousand times better than you? That's why we are always sniffing- looking for food, looking for trouble, and when we smell butts, we can tell precisely when that person last farted. But I digress...

I smelled and looked and there it was- a brown hoppy thingy. It stood up tall and looked around- my what big ears it had! I noticed its eyes- they were set in the sides of the head so it could see all around, looking for predators. Me, my eyes are set in the front, looking forward, because I am the predator. I signalled Bald One to release me from the leash, he did. I crept forward to get into attack position. It did not see me so I prepared to pounce. Just then, Stick in the Butt started barking and my cover was blown. The brown hoppy thingy took off hopping- it was fast! I burst through the brush after it and ran headlong into a tall hard thingy. Ouch my head hurt! Bald One laughed at me and said it was called a "tree." I really hate that guy!

Please, tell me how much you hate the Bald One. Has he done anything horrible to you? I'll bet he has.

Bird has flown

Did I tell you about my pet bird? A few weeks ago I noticed some rustling in one of Short One's outdoor hanging flowers so I told Bald One to check it out. Just then, a bird flew away. Bald One grabbed the pot and brought it down for my inspection. Sure enough, there was a nest with a few eggs in it. In a few days, one of them hatched. I decided to name him Junior and I nutured him by checking on him every day and giving him water. Isn't he a cutie?! This morning when I ordered Bald One to bring him down so I could see, he was gone! I guess Junior grew up and flew away. I am a little sad. Now all I need is for Bald One to grow up and fly away- I hate that guy!

Mom came home!

So it rained today. Not the afternoon storm with showers that quickly fade away but rain all morning. I really wanted to go for my morning run but Bald One was afraid to get wet. I hate that guy, what a wimp. Eventually after a lot poking, prodding, and then biting his ear, I drug him out for a walk. Stick in the Butt and I got a little wet, but we had the sidewalks to ourselves.



So my mom came home last night! I couldn't wait to go pick her up. I had to drag Bald One out of the house to go her. I needed him because I still don't have my license and I was afraid of being pulled over for texting. It is the law! Plus I have trouble reaching the pedals- that's where Bald One comes in handy- I still hate him, but he has his uses. Mom had to come home and save me from the abuse. Look at this: is Long Hair going to sit on me or worse?