sick rabbits

It was early in the morning yesterday when Bald One woke me up. He jumped out of bed and was shaking. Then he grabbed a couple of blankets that he wrapped up in and went back to bed. He seemed feverish so I curled up next to him to keep him warm. He must've gotten over it because he went running that day.

So last night we chased a rabbit! I was taking Bald One on his nighttime walk when we spotted a hare. As I crept closer, he ran into some bushes where I tracked him. So he hopped to another set of bushes. Rabbits are fast- faster than squirrels, perhaps? I hate squirrels! So I tracked him from bush to bush, flushing him into the open every time. I almost caught him several times but Bald One slowed me down. I could not let go of his leash- he would just wander the neighborhood yelling at me. Finally the rabbit got away. Stupid Bald One- I hate him!

Olfactory Senses

I was touring the backyard when I heard some rustling in the brush. I turned around and motioned Bald One to be silent. His big butt can be quite noisy sometimes- ha ha! I crept up to the edge of the brush to check it out. My olfactory senses detected prey! Did you know that dogs are superior to humans in that we can smell a thousand times better than you? That's why we are always sniffing- looking for food, looking for trouble, and when we smell butts, we can tell precisely when that person last farted. But I digress...

I smelled and looked and there it was- a brown hoppy thingy. It stood up tall and looked around- my what big ears it had! I noticed its eyes- they were set in the sides of the head so it could see all around, looking for predators. Me, my eyes are set in the front, looking forward, because I am the predator. I signalled Bald One to release me from the leash, he did. I crept forward to get into attack position. It did not see me so I prepared to pounce. Just then, Stick in the Butt started barking and my cover was blown. The brown hoppy thingy took off hopping- it was fast! I burst through the brush after it and ran headlong into a tall hard thingy. Ouch my head hurt! Bald One laughed at me and said it was called a "tree." I really hate that guy!

Please, tell me how much you hate the Bald One. Has he done anything horrible to you? I'll bet he has.

Vacation

I saw another brown hoppy thingy today- they are everywhere! This place is becoming infested like Australia. I took off after it but crashed into this wire metal thingy. Bald One laughed at me and told me it was called a "fence." Whose idea was that? Why keep a dog from her prey? Let me loose and I will take care of the brown hoppy thingy problem.

So now I understand how Forrest Gump felt every time someone asked him where his father was. People keep asking me where my mother is (for those of you who don't know, that's Short Hair), and all I can say is "vacation!" She went to Kentucky (I am so jealous) one week, New York City (more jealous) last week, and is in Chicago now (JEALOUS!). Just last night I overheard her talking on the computer machine saying she will be in New York again next week! She has been leaving me all alone with this psycho Bald One- I hate it! He wakes me up early every morning for wind sprints up and down the hills of my neighbrohood. He is wearing me out! Now he is taking Stick in the Butt and I for wind sprints in the evening. I can't take it anymore! Aren't moms supposed to protect us? What is this- "The Biggest Loser" for dogs? I need a vacation from the Help. Sucks to be me.

I miss my mom!

Rabbit Season! Duck Season! Rabbit Season!

Stick in the Butt and I were exploring the backyard when we came across this brown hoppy thingy. It was really exciting! Stick in the Butt was growling in fear while I was barking excitedly, ready to chase him down and make him my biyatch. Right when I tore off after it Bald One jerked my leash- I hate that jerk! The hoppy thingy escaped into the bushes so we growled and barked at it, daring it to come back onto our turf. Next time we will teach it a lesson.

Here is an actual conversation between Long Hair and Bald One- get a load of these two:
Long Hair: ummmm, I'll be like working tomorrow, ummm I have to be there at 10:00.
Bald One: so what time do you need to leave, I say I say?
Long Hair: ummm, I leave like at 9:30.
Bald One: so how long does it take to get there, I say I say?
Long: ummm, about eight minutes. But sometimes there is like, you know, traffic.
Bald One: How much traffic are you expecting at 9:30 in the morning that you are allowing for 22 extra minutes, I say I say?
Long Hair: well, ummm, I have to be there 15 minutes early, you know?
Bald One: so you have to be there at 9:45, not 10.

So what happened to all the futbol nuts? Stranger and Bald One would plop their fat butts on the couch and watch soccer matches all the time. It was all over the news. And since Saturday, all is quiet on the Western Front. Where did all the fans go?