Vacation

I saw another brown hoppy thingy today- they are everywhere! This place is becoming infested like Australia. I took off after it but crashed into this wire metal thingy. Bald One laughed at me and told me it was called a "fence." Whose idea was that? Why keep a dog from her prey? Let me loose and I will take care of the brown hoppy thingy problem.

So now I understand how Forrest Gump felt every time someone asked him where his father was. People keep asking me where my mother is (for those of you who don't know, that's Short Hair), and all I can say is "vacation!" She went to Kentucky (I am so jealous) one week, New York City (more jealous) last week, and is in Chicago now (JEALOUS!). Just last night I overheard her talking on the computer machine saying she will be in New York again next week! She has been leaving me all alone with this psycho Bald One- I hate it! He wakes me up early every morning for wind sprints up and down the hills of my neighbrohood. He is wearing me out! Now he is taking Stick in the Butt and I for wind sprints in the evening. I can't take it anymore! Aren't moms supposed to protect us? What is this- "The Biggest Loser" for dogs? I need a vacation from the Help. Sucks to be me.

I miss my mom!

Dog Abuse!

I was digging through my old puppy pictures and look what I found! This is abuse on so many levels. Bald One must have come up with this brilliant idea- I hate him.

1) They are keeping me in a plastic container! Since when was it appropriate to keep people in a storage bin? Are they getting ready to put me in the closet, to be pulled out next spring when the weather changes?

2) They have got me on the stove! What are they planning to do- cook me? Hot dog for sure! Bald One keeps talking about how his favorite food is a hot dog- I never realized he was a cannibal.

3) I am very high off the floor! Say I use my superior leaping skills, jump the edge of the container, and then plunge hundreds of feet to the floor, breaking one of my beautiful paws? Do these fools even have me covered on their insurance?

How about you, how have you been abused by the Help?