Bald One vs. Harley Davidson

I heard this story about the time Bald One and Short Hair rented a scooter in Mexico while on their honeymoon. Apparently Bald One is not a good driver.  This is actual footage of what happened.

FAIL - Church Biker - watch more funny videos

Toll Booth Willie

Short Hair has been very frustrated with her drive to work.  The security cameras caught her last week trying to take a short cut to get to work faster.

FAIL - Crazy Woman Jumps Tollbooth in Her Car - watch more funny videos

Vacation

I saw another brown hoppy thingy today- they are everywhere! This place is becoming infested like Australia. I took off after it but crashed into this wire metal thingy. Bald One laughed at me and told me it was called a "fence." Whose idea was that? Why keep a dog from her prey? Let me loose and I will take care of the brown hoppy thingy problem.

So now I understand how Forrest Gump felt every time someone asked him where his father was. People keep asking me where my mother is (for those of you who don't know, that's Short Hair), and all I can say is "vacation!" She went to Kentucky (I am so jealous) one week, New York City (more jealous) last week, and is in Chicago now (JEALOUS!). Just last night I overheard her talking on the computer machine saying she will be in New York again next week! She has been leaving me all alone with this psycho Bald One- I hate it! He wakes me up early every morning for wind sprints up and down the hills of my neighbrohood. He is wearing me out! Now he is taking Stick in the Butt and I for wind sprints in the evening. I can't take it anymore! Aren't moms supposed to protect us? What is this- "The Biggest Loser" for dogs? I need a vacation from the Help. Sucks to be me.

I miss my mom!

The return of the Younglings

Long Hair and Stranger have finally returned! They were gone for what seemed like doggie years! Stranger kind of comes and goes as he pleases, but I am not used to Long Hair taking off like that. I think she went to California to get rich and famous. She keeps talking about that. And everybody knows that is the place to go. But wait! Bald One (I hate him!) is from California. I heard talking about it the other day. Is he rich? No, he can't even hold a job! Is he famous? No, unless you count his picture in the AJC the other day, in the background, picking his ear wax. Did I ever tell you that he is obsessed with ear hairs? He is always plucking them! Me, I like lots of ear hair. Keeps the mites away. Short Hair was very excited to see her pups return. I am glad they have returned- more underwear for me to sniff out and hide!

No wait, I did see Bald One on TV once- it was America's Most Wanted. What about you? Are your parents wanted by the law? Should they be?

Off of restriction

I am back! Stupid Bald One thought he could keep me off here forever. I hate him! oops! I mean, I respect his point of view. And his shiny forehead! What happened to him? Did he ever have hair? But I digress.

My grandparents are in town! It seems that my cousin Zooey is graduating from high school so they have come from the land of q-tips to visit. High school... who needs an education? I haven't attended a day of school and look how superior my intelligence is- I am Alpha! Everything I have learned is from surfing the internet or watching TV. Right now I am watching the first episode of Community. There is a lot ot be learned about college life from that one. I love that show. Much better than those Real Housewives shows Short Hair likes to watch. Nothing about those women is real- especially their boobs.

marathon girl

So I have actually been on two walks in a row. I feel like I am training for a marathon. The Help was all huffing and puffing up and down the streets while I was strutting my stuff. I swear Bald One was about to pass out. I hate him, he is such a jerk. Short Hair kept tripping over the curbs, what a klutz! And then there is Stick-in-the-Butt... she has to stop every 20 feet to pee. What puzzles me is how she can squeeze that much out so many times.

Birthday countdown- don't tell Long Hair I crapped on her comforter!

Musical Tuccus

Short hair has one nasty a$$. Tonight she was coughing and broke wind right in front of me. The bed rattled! Long Hair and Bald One (I hate him) were also witnesses if you don't believe me. I am okay with emissions but I hate when people get all high and mighty before they stink up the place. I guess she was worn out after I took her for a walk around the neighborhood.

Long Hair has a birthday coming up. Little does she know that I have a special present for her. When she least expects it I will deposit it in her room. I'll show her who is Alpha!

Hey, is anybody reading this?

It wasn't me!

Someone has been peeing in the house. So of course the Help blames me. I could hear Short Hair trash-talking me to Bald One. What do they know? I did not do it but I know who did. Notice that the pee stains appeared as Stranger returned from school... coincidence? I think not! He is a sketchy character. He and his lady friend, Twiggy.

Did I tell you that the Help is unemployed? Both Short Hair and Bald One (I hate him!) have lost their jobs. Stupid, incompetent, goofballs. This gives them more time to wait on me. One of them had better get a job soon... the queen will not go hungry!

All of my adoring fans... please leave a comment and let me know great I am!